A love letter to january 2022 me

 

Dear me in january 2022,

 

I saw this trend going around somewhere on one of the socials and thought: why not do it this way.

 

I know you were scared, you were still settling in, in a world that was completely new for you in a way. Betrayed, but looking at the future. I also know that you were so afraid to let people in, to break down the walls around your heart that you had so carefully built after getting hurt again and again. I know that you’ve felt lonely more than you might care to admit and still I know, that you were so grateful for the people that were and are still around you. You know very well, that it is also (partly) your own mind that keeps or kept other people on a distance and your heart closed. But I can tell you, beautiful things will happen to you in 2022.

 

You will find more and more of yourself, you will get out of your comfort zone, starting your own website like you’ve wanted for a long time, you will read more and wounds that other people made will slowly start to heal. You are not “there” yet, whatever “there” might mean, but that’s okay, because you probably never will. You will always find a new challenges, you’ll always have new ideas or search for new ways in which you might be able to give kindness to people.

 

You’ll find more confidence in who you are, stand up for yourself and take the changes you get, because you’ve seen that life is way too short not to live it. You don’t know if “coincidence” will turn into “meant to be”, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. You’ve met incredible people, seen amazing places, heart so much good music and every single one gave you something to learn, inspired you and gave you something to grow with in this life. The process of learning, growing and healing is not a straight line, it has many setbacks and turns.

 

However, I’m proud of you, it’s okay to say that about yourself sometimes. You’ve opened up to other people, slowly accepting that it’s okay to feel love, kindness and hurt. You still have kind of a hard time accepting compliments, gifts or whatsoever, because deep down you still feel a little like you are not enough for them, as if you don’t deserve them. Fortunately, that’s something you are trying to work on.

 

Uni will go well; you pass your exams and get more knowledge on some very interesting topics. You also started volunteering at a music venue in your hometown. Let me tell you, you love it. Even cleaning garlands and sticky beer somehow doesn’t matter because you saw the happiness on the faces in the audience, you saw the way in which reality is forgotten for a couple of hours and how you were a very small part of making that happen. You are meeting amazing people and people you thought you would never see again come back into your life. Literally so many smiles!

 

Let me tell you, it feels so good to live life, being in control, but knowing that it is okay to put yourself out there and even more, to be yourself! Because girl, you are pretty great, it only took you some time to realize it.

 

If the way 2022 is ending for you is only a little prediction for what 2023 has in store for you, you are in for both, a fight and a treat. And honestly, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

 

At least for now, I feel ready. Ready to fall and to get back up again, ready to get hurt, to learn, to love like I’ve never been hurt and to just be me.

 

All my love,

 

Anna