A love letter to the past

 

Dear past,

 

We all know those questions in a game of would you rather. “Would you rather look and go to the future or go back to past?” Even though there are many points in which I wouldn’t like to go back to the past, it is always my go to answer because it seems even scarier to look into the future and to see all the good and bad that comes your way. I don’t like to lose control, which is something I’m working on, but still, I wouldn’t want to see the future. Obviously seeing the good things would be kind of a reassurance, but seeing the bad and the struggles would probably hold me back from living life and from taking risks.

“The past is never dead. It’s not even past. All of us labour in webs spun long before we were born, webs of heredity and environment, or desire and consequence, of history and eternity.” – William Faulkner in Requiem for a Nun

Maybe finding a liking or love for the past is so hard because we know that we can’t change it, it is in our head and we are not able to relive it. However, we can try to change the past of next generations for the better. We have to learn how to live with both, the good and the bad. Good thing to realise though is that you still hold the future in your hands. And yes, you can still live in the moment, while working on your future full of love, happiness, kindness, learning, growing, changing and purpose.

 

Sometimes I wonder what past me would think about the me I am now. I know for sure that she would be proud but also stunned at the fact that I’m pursuing my dreams in the music business. Overall, I actually think that she would be pretty proud about who I am and who I am becoming, even though there are obviously some things she would’ve never thought would happen. But to me that is what makes life fun and challenging. At least that’s how I try to look at it.

 

I once read the saying that when are thinking about life there are two thing you should remember. On one hand there is absolutely no amount of guilt in this world that can change the past, on the other hand there is absolutely no amount of anxiety that will or can change the future.

 

You don’t have to go back to your past, whatever that may be. The same thing applies to the fact that you should not let your past have the power to define your future. No matter what your past includes, your future can still be better than you ever imagined it to be. This kind of goes with the saying that you should never be a prisoner of your past, because it was just a lesson, not a life sentence.

 

I’m still learning how to dance in the rain, I’m still learning that it is okay to take a break, I’m still learning that it is okay to ask for help, I’m still learning that I’m good enough to be loved for who I am, I’m still learning. Which is probably one of the only things my past, my present and my future will always have in common.

 

All my love,

 

Anna